Oboreru Knife chapter 46 summary/translation

My favorite manga~
I read the raws for the most recent chapter on Billwang today. I thought I'd put up a translation and see if I get any kind of response - are people interested in reading chapter summaries for this manga?

The previous chapter ended with Ootomo saying to Natsume that maybe they should separate for a while...

Natsume is stunned and asks why.
N: w- what, why, so suddenly, why???
O: well, we have jyuken (high school entrance exams)
N: you're lying. you're worried about entrance exams now?!
She takes a step toward him and he shouts "don't come near me!"
Natsume:: shocked
O: I mean....arg~~~let's hold off going home together and stuff until you're done shooting your tv show
Ootomo gets on his bike to ride off
Natsume grabs his bike
N: ...my tv show? ... not exams?
N: Doi-san said something to you, didn't he! (Doi = her manager)
Ootomo is clearly caught and can't hide his reaction.
N: I knew it!! So breaking up is about what he said, isn't it!
O: uh...i mean...
N: Didn't I say yesterday that I can only do all this because of you. If I can't be with you, then I'd gladly quit acting...!!
Ootomo gives her a look
O: It's not that it doesn't make me happy to hear you say these things...but if I'm just going to hold you back, I'd rather...
Natsume thinks: rather, rather what? break up?!?!
N: what the hell, that's totally idiotic! so you're just doing what Doi-san tells you to do? just turn him down! if...
Natsume thinks: if you love me... (but she's too shy/embarrassed to say that)
Natsume bikes off.
O: hey wait. the headphones! (these are the headphones she gave Ootomo for his birthday, but he's trying to return them to her now that he wants to break up/found out they were ridiculously expensive)
N: I don't want them! If you don't want them either, then just leave them there!

Natsume is super bummed out and is reflecting on his this is similar to what happened with Kou. Doi-san shows up and he tells her to cheer up. She tells him it's all his fault.
D: check these out! I bought them up before they got published (pictures of Ootomo and Natsume kissing)
N: wh-what are these! jeez, I'm like a celebrity or something! give me a break!
D: you and Ootomo-kun are both being very naively unaware. This kind of attention would be particularly devastating now. I called Ootomo-kun and asked him to tone it down, at least until we're finished shooting the show. but then he...
::flashback::
O: no way. you're just going to try to break us up next.
D: let's all think about the future of your two's relationship
O: with you? why?
D (kinda peeved): you know...to be honest, Natsume-chan's popularity and the fact that she's even been able to make somewhat of a comeback is nothing short of a miracle. do you understand? if she falls again, there won't be a second miracle. I guarentee it. If you really like her, think about what's best for her.

::back in the present::
N: y- you're a horrible grown up!
D: I've only said the truth. you definitely can't be having any boy scandal right now. especially pictures like these - way too sexual for a middle schooler. People are bound to think, "oh, there were rumors of an incident, but she must've been a loose girl to start with"
N: If I have to break up with him, then I'd rather give up acting...
D: many people are working to support you. is that the extent of your resolve? Also, I'm not just doing this for your sake. I think breaking up would be better for Ootomo-kun as well...
N: what...?
model girl shows up.
Model: Natsume--? Long time no see! I haven't seen you since Plum (the magazine) days
N: wow, hey!!! How is everyone at Plum? Do you have a photoshoot today?
M: ahaha, most of the models have been replaced! haven't you kept up with Plum at all? I bet you didn't even see my graduation project!
D: Aya-chan, I heard you got a part in the Monday night show?
M: ehehe

Natsume narrating: Even when Plum was sent to me, I rarely looked through it. I couldn't bare to see everybody's shining faces. I have no light anymore. I'm able to be here in this environment now only due to the afterglow from my earlier days, pretending I still have the light. I'm able to keep a hold of myself this way. although my thin pride is only based on the fact that I dabble in the entertainment industry...
some dude: Natsume-chan! Doi-san! We just got news that we're going to make "Natsume part II". And there's some talk of a movie being in the works!
Model: wow!!!!
N: I'm so happy...!

"If she falls again, there won't be a second miracle"

in class, Natsume and Ootomo are texting each other.
N: I'm sorry about the other day. I know you were only thinking of what's best for me. But I still don't want to stop seeing each other
O: but you never know who's taking pictures. I think it'd be best to lay off seeing each other until the show's finished. We can talk on the phone and text each other. Just a little more than a month left.
N: They've decided to make a part II of the show. It might even turn into a movie. You don't know how long it'll be before we can see each other.
O: wow!!! congrats!!!
N: you are so understanding.
Natsume thinking to herself: oh, he's not text back? Did I anger him? Even if I understand mentally, my emotions can't keep up. Ootomo's emotions are always in line with his head. oh well, that is part of the reason I like him so much anyhow, hehehehe. It seems like a dream or a fantasy that we were talking about sex just the other day.
Natsume is now at home just getting out of her shower. She gets a text from Doi-san
D: Natsume-chan, this is reality LINK.
She clicks on the link and is directed to some kind of forum where there's a picture of her and Ootomo in a group shot (from the class trip), with Ootomo circled. Natsume is completely shocked and wonders if it was put up by someone in her class or...?
N: Ootomo is not the kind of person to be hated or resented. He should never, NEVER be somebody to have things like this said about him or written about him.
Just then she gets a call from Ootomo, but she doesn't answer...
The next day on the way to school..
N (thinking to herself): I wonder if it was one of these people, just messing around. oh, good morning boyfriend (she sees Ootomo).
"I just want you to smile" (Ootomo)
N: that's how I feel too.  I just want Ootomo to be laughing and smiling under the sun.
A student runs by and takes a picture of Ootomo, runs off.
O: huh?
Kid with Ootomo: did he just take a picture of us?
Natsume hits the student with her bag and grabs his cell phone.
O: Mochizuki! What are you doing? Did that guy do something to you?!
the student: what the hell! It's not like I took a picture of you! Gimme back my cell phone.Hey, what do you think you're doing!! (Natsume deletes the photo of Ootomo and gives the cell phone back to the student)
N: Lame. This is all so stupid! I'm sick of it! I'm so sick of this already! I'm gonna quit acting!
O: hey, calm down.
N: Don't touch me!
So many things going through her head: the stuff online, what Ootomo said about holding her back...
N: Fine!
N: I'll break up with you - that's what you all want right?!
She runs off crying, leaving Ootomo aghast at this extremely public break up scene.
Later, on the roof (she's skipping class), she texts Ootomo
N: that was all a lie earlier. I'm sorry. Natsume.
O: you all right? Where are you right now? Would it be better to talk face to face? Ootomo.
N: thanks, but I'll do as you said and lay off trying to see you for a while. Maybe we should just let everybody think we're broken up.
O: ok. Ootomo.

...even if we met up, or texted, or talked on the phone, I might just make things worse. I don't want to be the reason Ootomo looks upset. He needs to always be smiling. Maybe Ootomo would actually smile more if we just never see each other.
...I can't sleep. and the entrance exams are tomorrow. ..I wonder if Ootomo's ok. I bet he hasn't even been studying and just playing guitar all the time.
She is walking into the forest to the small shrine
...I'll at least try praying to the gods. I bet God is even fed up with me. I am always powerless when it comes to the important things
now she's at Kou's little hut
...oh yeah, somebody's living here...wait, in this cold?! The person who lives here, i wonder if he's....
She walks in and sees Kou bundled up in a sleeping bag and looking really messed up.
Kou: why...are you here
N: K..ou...chan
Kou walks out of the hut, but he crumples to the ground. She feels his face and can tell that he has a fever. She takes out her phone but he grabs her arm.
K: who are you trying to call?!
N: an ambulance
K: go home! listen to me, if you tell anybody that you saw me here, I'll never forgive you.
N: but...you can't even stand! If I just leave you here...
N: ok, fine...just rest in the hut. I'll bring you some medicine and stuff, and don't worry, I'll make sure nobody sees me.
N: so..just wait for me
fever reducing pills, bandages, a towel, something to cool him, warm him, something to drink...
she thinks about calling Ootomo but then remembers how adamant Kou was about keeping it secret
Ootomo. Ootomo. Ootomo. Ootomo!
Why am I running in the opposite direction? I should at least call Ootomo and let him know I'm not betraying him.What am I doing? What am I doing?!
Why do I still feel like if there's something I can do for Kou-chan, that I have to do it?

end.
phew~ Asakura makes it so so hard for me to pick between Kou and Ootomo. But it sucks for Ootomo that he feels like he's holding Natsume back. that's gotta suck. and now Kou and Natsume have a connection again. Excited for the next chapter!!!